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Practical “How to” Suggestions
- Think positive thoughts. When you display images of yourself that are positive, others start to reflect positive things back to you. If you act as if you believe you’re worthwhile, others are more likely to treat you that way than if you send messages that you’re not capable and uncaring.
- Recognize and appreciate your strengths.
- Say positive things about yourself.
- Don’t boast.
- Don’t put others down by saying “I’m better at this.”
- Only say the positive things that are really true.
List the three things you would like most to change about yourself.
Now list the three things that you like most about yourself. These are your strengths. Was it more difficult to list three positives about yourself?
Complete the sentences below. Then stand in front of a mirror and practice saying positive things about yourself. Saying good things about yourself does not make you conceited. Say these things:
- “I am a worthwhile person because __________________.”
- “I am good at ___________________________________.”
- “Other people value me because _____________________.”
- “I am a good friend when I _________________________.”
- “I look good when I _______________________________.”
- “My best subject in school is _______________________.”
- “I am likable when _______________________________.”
- “I can do many things _____________________________.”
- “I am proud of myself when I ________________________.”
- “I can build a healthy body by _______________________.”
- Recognize things you can change. Select one aspect of yourself that you can change and work on it.
| THINGS THAT CAN BE CHANGED | THINGS THAT ARE NOT POSSIBLE OR NOT EASY TO CHANGE |
| 1. Eating habits | 1. Eye color |
| 2. Exercise habits | 2. Height |
| 3. Friendliness | 3. Freckles |
| 4. Helping behaviors | 4. Nose shape |
| 5. Study habits | 5. Skin color |
| 6. Hair color and style | 6. Body size |
Fill in the spaces below.
- I wish I were more _________________________.
Can you change that? ___ yes ___ no
- I’m not very good at _________________________.
Can you change that? ___ yes ___ no
- Regarding my appearance, I’d like to be more _________________.
Can you change that? ___ yes ___ no
- 3. If you cannot change something about yourself, try to accept it.
Stand in front of a mirror and say:
“I don’t like [name of attribute], but since I can’t change it, I’ll learn to live with it.
OR “I’m not good at [sports, dancing, etc.]. I don’t have to be good at everything, but I’ll do my best.
- 4. Don’t Take Put-Downs.
- If someone puts you down and you accept it, you will begin to believe the put-downs. Instead, say, “Given the amount of time I’ve had to learn ___, I’m doing well.” Or, “I am not an expert at this, but I am giving it my best effort.”
- Make a joke out of it, if possible.
- Explain how the put-down makes you feel. Example: “It really hurts when you say _________________.”
- Do not get the person back by putting him or her down in turn. It will make matters worse.
EXERCISE: Write down some things that people have said that made you feel hurt. Then write down what you could say if that happens again.
| PERSON SAYS: | I COULD SAY: |
| 1. | 1. |
| 2. | 2. |
| 3. | 3. |
Don’t put yourself down. By saying negative things about yourself, you promote a negative self-image. Soon you might start to act as these negative things are true.
There is a better way: Admit mistakes, but don’t make a negative judgment about your abilities or future possibilities for success. Say, “I made a mistake. I’ll try to do it differently next time,” or “I goofed. I’ll have to find a better way to do that,” or “I need to practice that skill some more.”
Take compliments without putting yourself down. When someone pays you a compliment, accept it and express your appreciation. DO NOT go on to make negative statements about yourself.
| IF SOMEONE SAYS THIS: | YOU CAN SAY THIS: | DON’T SAY THIS: |
| I like your outfit. | Thank you. This is my favorite color. | Oh, this old thing. It’s all I could afford. |
| Nice job on your project. | Thanks for noticing. I did work hard on it. | It wasn’t as good as
Marcia’s. |
| Good job—you made a point for the team. | Thanks. I’m thrilled too. | Yeah, but I caused the team to lose last time. |
- Practice feeling good about your accomplishments. Don’t be afraid to say when you’re proud.
Practice expressing your pride. Finish these sentences. Stand in front of the mirror or call a friend and tell him/her.
- I am proud of myself when I ___________________________.
- One of the nicest things I ever did was ___________________.
- I’m proud I belong to _________________________________.
Sometimes your feelings will not be positive. When you make a mistake, how do you feel [ashamed, embarrassed, discouraged]?
How do you feel when?
- You get a low grade in school? ________________________
- You make a mistake and people laugh? __________________
- You fall down or goof up and your team looses a point? _______
Negative feelings are discouraging. Nobody likes to make mistakes. No one likes to be left out. We might feel ashamed, hurt, abandoned, or embarrassed and sometimes angry. In other wordswe have bad feelings. No one likes bad feelings, but we can learn to live with them.
Make a list of “Things to do when I’m blue.” When things are not going your way do something to help change that.
For example:
* Take a nice walk.
* Call a friend.
* Write your feelings in a journal.
* Set a timer for 10 minutes. Cry or pout for 10 minutes and then get busy doing something useful.
* Listen to music.
* Go to a movie.
* Watch a silly TV show.
* Listen to the rain fall.
* Sing, dance.
- 6. Act your best.
It isn’t always easy to do what you know you should do. One way to manage is to plan ahead to avoid situations in which you do things you shouldn’t. Make a plan for change and record your progress in a journal.
Important caution: Select only ONE behavior at a time to change. If you select more, you’re likely to be overwhelmed and that might keep you from succeeding.
The one behavior I want to change is _______________________.
My plan for change is this: ______________________________.
Record your progress in a journal:
At the end of each week ask yourself if you have been following your plan. If you have, give yourself a pat on the back. If you have difficulty following the plan, how could you change the plan so you could succeed? ______________________________________
- Care for your body and health.
Exercise and eat a nutritious diet. Avoid substances that can lead to addiction. Nothing ruins esteem more than being controlled by a substance. When this happens, you’ve given over control of your life. Take charge of your life! If you need help on ways to improve your health, consult a physician, counselor, and/or nutritionist.
After completing this worksheet:
Write a half page [200 words minimum] of how this experience was for you. Incorporate some of the videos and readings about socioemotional development in Middle Childhood, and the importance of it at this stage of development.
